Abish

First some background

One of the requirements for an A in Dean Hughes's Writing for Childrenclass was to submit something for publication. That was back whenSteve Christensen was doing the Sunday School Supplement inSunstone, and in one issue he talked about the Apocrypha, including the story of Daniel, Bel and the Dragon. I liked the story and worked itinto my story about a boy named Daniel who has a story-loving lionunder his bed. I found a Methodist children's magazine in Writer'sMarket (I didn't send it to The Friend because LDS Church magazinesinsist on buying all rights) and sent it off. I received a nice letter invitingfurther submissions, but explaining that the characters were a bit tooyoung for their readers.

Several years later I rewrote "Daniel's Lion." In 1994 one of the editorsfor an LDS publisher was at the AML symposium recruiting new writers. In June of that year I took a copy of "Daniel's Lion" to the WasatchReview Writer's Conference, hunted up the editor for that publisher andhanded it over. A few months later I got a call from the editor, sayingthey liked the story and wanted to publish it. He asked me aboutillustrators, started looking at bids for printing, then hired on with anotherpublisher. The new editor told me that they still wanted to publish thebook, but suggested that, since we hadn't signed a contract, I might wantto submit it elsewhere, so I wasn't surprised when she told me they haddecided it was too risky and expensive to do an illustrated children'sbook, especially when they hadn't done one before, but I was quiteinterested in one of her reasons: The story was a bit short. People didn'tlike to pay a lot for so few words.

In 1975 or 6 I attended a recruiting meeting for a company trying to gethigh school seniors and others to spend the summer tramping aroundselling Bibles and other books to women with wooden legs and glasseyes. One of the recruiter's selling points was that their books had lotsof words in them, unlike Rosie's Walk, which was mostly pictures. Now which one would you want your children to read? Well, Rosie's Walk shows a wonderful feel for Pennsylvania Dutch culture, while theother books somehow managed to get the original illustrators for Sally,Dick and Jane, so you can probably guess that I didn't collect any glasseyes or wooden legs that summer.

Foreground

Of course, this is a review, not a personal essay, but, as Lionel Trillingsaid in his essay "On the Teaching of Modern Literature," our responseto literature can be so intensely personal that talking about it can be amatter of bearing testimony. (Yes, a secular New York intellectual usedthe phrase "bearing personal testimony." See my essay, "On theImportance of Bearing Personal Testimony" in the AML annual for 1994, Ithink.) Which is another way of saying that, often, our responses to apiece of writing reflect our experiences, so my experience trying to getmy book published gave me an interest in seeing what kinds of books arebeing published. If I had known what book I was reviewing beforehand,I might not have offered to review Abish so I'm glad I didn't. DeseretSoftware Library publishes a series of $40 cd-roms which include thesebooks in the package. The package says, "Includes the popular book,"but I wonder if the cd-rom didn't come first. I've assumed that the "MyFirst Scripture Stories" series were book versions of the cd-roms, justlike Disney publishes book versions of its cartoons. Seeing these bookson the shelves, they reminded me of the cartooning style of someSaturday morning cartoons -- which just don't have the quality (the verbalquality or the detail or intricacy of movement) of classic Bugs Bunny andRoadrunner cartoons. But on looking closer, I like the books a lot betterthan I did just looking at them on the shelves.

Both books are paraphrases of the Book of Mormon. Ammon and theKing tells of Ammon defending the king's flocks at the waters of Sebus,being summoned into Lamoni's presence, catching the king with guile(Alma 18:23), and watching the King fall to the earth as the veil ofunbelief is cast from his mind. Ammon and the King ends the storythere, simply noting that after Lamoni wakes up Ammon baptizes him.Abish continues the story, telling how the King, Queen, Ammon, andeveryone but Abish fall to the earth, and showing how she summons thepeople and wakes them. It too ends with baptism.

I don't fault Sherrie Johnson for ending the first story right in the middle ofthings, but I wonder why she cut out two of my favorite passages. When the Queen comes to Ammon, she doesn't make that wonderfullytouching comment: "others say that he is dead and that he stinketh, andthat he ought to be placed in the sepulchre; but as for myself, to me hedoth not stink" (Alma 19:5). When Lamoni awakes he says, "Blessed bethe name of God." and, "Behold, I have seen my redeemer. He shallredeem all mankind who believe on his name," but in the Book of Mormonhe says to his wife, "Blessed be the name of God, and blessed artthou. For as sure as he livest, behold, I have seen my Redeemer; andhe shall come forth and be born of a woman, and he shall redeem allmankind who believe on his name" (Alma 19:12-13). By omitting thepassages I've emphasized, Johnson omits something very tender aboutthe marriage of Lamoni and his Queen. This is the only thing that marsthe writing for me, and it's a small thing. Johnson writes with admirablegrace and economy, I just wish she had spent a few more words to tellus that a king blessed his queen, and why.

The Whole Picture

I've suggested that I have some aversion to the illustrations. As I'velooked at them closer, I can tell both illustrators are talented artists, so myobjections have more to do with sentimentality than with technique. These stories are about the life-changing joy, but some of the picturesdon't get past sentimentality. There is one of a horse, pig, duck, parrotand rodent perking up to hear the good news, that for some reasonreminds me of Animal Farm. However, on the next page Mark McCunehas a wonderful picture of a parrot(?) colored green, yellow, red, blueand black flying into the room where everyone lays. Also the picture ofthe thief being struck down as he tries to kill Ammon, has a gooddepiction of the surprise and agony on his face, and the picture of Abishpraying has a fine sense of serenity and peace.

Tyler Lybbert's illustrations for Ammon and the King are also verygood (perhaps a bit more accomplished than McCune's pictures). Hisuse of perspective in one picture gives a marvelous visual equivalent ofLamoni being unable "for the space of an hour" to answer Ammon.

Both books use a device common to readers of Cricket, of havingcharacters in the corners of the pages commenting on the action. InAmmon and the King 3 children, Havva, Leah and Helam herd sheepand tell where you can read the story in the Book of Mormon. In Abishthey build a reed boat and help with pronunciation. My wife didn't muchcare for that, but I didn't mind it. There are some visual jokes that I quitelike in each book, though. Lybbert shows the robbers as having theirheads shaven except for a pony tail in the front. Where Johnson writes,"When the first man lifted his club, Ammon defended himself with hissword and cut off the man's arm," Lybbert shows him cutting off thepony tail, and shows the man deeply surprised. (I could quibble aboutthis, but the picture looks appropriate.) McCune pays homage to ArnoldFriberg. Look for the leopards, and look at the last two pictures ofLamoni, where he looks a bit like Charlton Heston in the scenes beforeMoses kills the overseer. (I wonder if McCune's making Lamoni look a bitpharaonic is a sly reference to reformed Egyptian?)

Though there is much I could quibble with in these books, there is much Ilike in them, including the fact that Deseret Book didn't try to imposeconsistency on the illustrators. Lybbert shows Lamoni's throne room asa long hall with a dais and no windows (which is what makes thepainting of Lamoni's silence so effective), while McCune shows it as asmall room with windows and no dais.

Does a Picture Paint a Thousand Words?

Before giving a sample of the prose, I should give a word count, since Imentioned it earlier: About 800 for each book. To answer the questionmy publisher implied, would I be willing to pay $4.95 and $5.95 for sofew words, it depends on how much I had to spend. Right now I can'tafford either, and there are books that touch me on a deeper level thaneither of these, much as I like them. J. Frederic Voros Jr's lyrical prose inThe Stones of the Temple I find quite moving, along with Kathleen B.Peterson's illustrations, and I find great beauty and charm in PhyllisLuch's evocation of near eastern culture and art in the work thataccompanies Lavina Fielding Anderson's telling of Ruth, the MoabiteMaiden. But I would ask a library to purchase both Ammon & the Kingand Abish. I wish both abundant readers.

And Finally, a Sample of the Prose

As the series title, "My First Scripture Stories" suggests, these are closerto paraphrase that to fiction, though they don't try to paraphrase everyincident or detail, and they make some expansions to the text. Comparethe following passage and Alma 19:15-16. Notice how Johnson changesthe scene slightly to emphasize Abish: She comes not only in her ownsentence, but at the end of the paragraph and page. I wish SherrieJohnson had found some way to similarly include and emphasizeLamoni's blessing of his queen.

The servants of Lamoni were amazed. What was happening? Were the king and queen dead? Who was this strange Nephite? Asthey wondered, they remembered Ammon's teachings. They began tocry unto God with all their might.

Soon the servants were filled with the Spirit of the Lord. One byone they fell to the ground until only one woman was left. Her namewas Abish.

Many years before, Abish had been converted unto the Lordbecause of a wonderful vision of her father.

Alma 19:15-16
15. Now, when the servants of the king had seen that they had fallen,they also began to cry unto God, for the fear of the Lord had come uponthem also, for it was they who had stood before the king and testifiedunto him concerning the great power of Ammon.

16. And it came to pass that they did call on the name of the Lord in theirmight, even until they had all fallen unto the earth, save it were one of theLamanitish women, whose name was Abish, she having been convertedunto the Lord for many years, on account of a remarkable vision of herfather--